these days

The school year is drawing to a close. Always before, I have never really understand my friends who lacked motivation to finish school more than a month before we shut the doors behind us. I was ready to be done, but still ready to finish the year strong. This year though, more than ever before, I am weary of the papers to write, chapters to read, of the school where I have no friends. I am ready to give my chances to a new one, buildings of brick and bright with light. A place open with the sky spread far and wide above. A place full of holes, just like here. These are, after all, human cities. We ourselves are the human fabric. We are not the One that gives them life, but we give it our flavor and make it a home for those around us. It is a city with cracks, just like this one, but it is a new place where I have only ever spent seventy-two hours. Where there are only two that know me and only a handful more whom I have met. I have a bike and a heart that is willing and eager to belong to a new place.

I did not think that I would be so eager and ready to leave Washington--only a few years ago I was longing to come back. There are many people here who I love, who love me, and who I will miss dearly. But. But I think I am ready to change. The two months I spent in France this winter gave me a taste for life on my own. It was hard, in the end, but filled with far more good than bad. I know that part of this readiness to leave is because I know that I am leaving. If I planned to stay home another year, I would still have itchy feet, but less eager, I think to run away. Ready I am, though, and glad to drive across the desert in a few months and make myself a new home for a few years.

Yes, I am filled with expectancy for the good, the bad, and the holy that is to come. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will change me, root me, even though I know there will be pain in it. The Lord has promised to keep me and love me, always. All he does, he does in love. I need nothing more than to remember and believe that.